|
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker
will be sorry. We must take the position that burial is stuck to merely in the interest
of the undertaker (who has his family cremated to save expense). |
 AI image created by R. Kent Rasmussen |
 Illustration from first edition of LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI |
There's one thing in this world which isn't
ever cheap. That's a coffin. There's one thing in this world which a person
don't ever try to jew you down on. That's a coffin. There's one thing in
this world which a person don't say-- 'I'll look around a little, and if
I find I can't do better I'll come back and take it.' That's a coffin. There's
one thing in this world which a person won't take in pine if he can go walnut;
and won't take in walnut if he can go mahogany; and won't take in mahogany
if he can go an iron casket with silver door-plate and bronze handles. That's
a coffin. And there's one thing in this world which you don't have to worry
around after a person to get him to pay for. And that's a coffin. Undertaking?--why
it's the dead-surest business in Christendom, and the nobbiest. - Life on the Mississippi |
|
When the place was packed full the undertaker he slid around in his black
gloves with his softy soothering ways, putting on the last touches, and
getting people and things all ship-shape and comfortable, and making no
more sound than a cat. He never spoke; he moved people around, he squeezed
in late ones, he opened up passageways, and done it with nods, and signs
with his hands. Then he took his place over against the wall. He was the
softest, glidingest, stealthiest man I ever see; and there warn't no more
smile to him than there is to a ham. I have a human distaste for death, as applied to myself, but I see nothing
very solemn about it as applied to anybody--it is more to be dreaded than
a birth or a marriage, perhaps, but it is really not as solemn a matter
as either of these, when you come to take a rational, practical view of
the case. Therefore I would prefer to know that an undertaker's bill was
a just one before I paid it; and I would rather see it go clear to the
Supreme Court of the United States, if I could afford the luxury, than
pay it if it were distinguished for its unjustness. A great many people
in the world do not think as I do about these things. But I care nothing
for that. The knowledge that I am right is sufficient for me. |
Related special feature: Mark Twain's Quarrel with Undertakers
Quotations | Newspaper Articles | Special Features | Links | Search