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Directory of Mark Twain's maxims, quotations, and various opinions:

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TAX

There isn't a rich man in your vast city who doesn't perjure himself every year before the tax board. They are all caked with perjury, many layers thick. Iron-clad, so to speak. If there is one that isn't, I desire to acquire him for my museum, and will pay Dinosaur rates.
- "A Humane Word from Satan"

Mark Twain Museum window
Mark Twain Museum, Hannibal, MO. Photo courtesy of Dave Thomson

[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not even use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
- "Two Mark Twain Editorials," Europe and Elsewhere
Illustration of a dam dead tax collector
Illustration by "Dwig" from the
Dave Thomson collection


What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
- Notebook, 1902

We've got so much taxation. I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed except the answer to prayer.
- Morals speech, 1906

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