The wonderful two-headed girl is still on exhibition in New England. She sings
duets by herself. She has a great advantage over the rest of her sex, for she
never has to stop talking to eat, and when she is not eating, she keeps both
tongues going at once. She has a lover, and this lover is in a quandary, because
at one and the same moment she accepted him with one mouth and rejected him
with the other. He does not know which to believe. He wishes to sue for breach
of promise, but this is a hopeless experiment, because only half of the girl
has been guilty of the breach. This girl has two heads, four arms and four legs,
but only one body, and she (or they) is (or are) seventeen years old. Now is
she her own sister? Is she twins? Or, having but one body (and consequently
but one heart,) is she strictly but one person? If she above-named young man
marries her will he be guilty of bigamy? This double girl has only one name,
and passes for one girl, but when she talks back and forth at herself with her
two mouths is she soliloquising? Does she expect to have one vote or two? Has
she the same opinions as herself on all subjects, or does she differ sometime?
Would she feel insulted if she were to spit in her own face? Just at this point
we feel compelled to drop this investigation, for it is rather too tangled for
us.
- unsigned item in Buffalo Express, September 2, 1869. Reprinted in Utica
(NY) Weekly Herald, September 7, 1869. Reprinted as "The Two-Headed
Girl" in Indiana (PA) Messenger, October 27, 1869. Reprinted
in Mark Twain: A Bibliography by Merle Johnson, 1935.
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