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Directory of Mark Twain's maxims, quotations, and various opinions:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


HELL

Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
- Letter to William Dean Howells, May 20, 1891

...heaven for climate, and hell for society.
- Mark Twain's Speeches, 1910 edition, p. 117.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to -- both have their advantages, "heaven for climate, hell for company!"
- Mark Twain's Notebooks and Journals, vol. 3

"Is it a colony?"
"Yes."
"What nationality?"
"Mixed. But mainly French."
- "The Chronicle of Young Satan"

Satan (impatiently) to New Comer. The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.
- Following the Equator, Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar

Earth in hell
Illustration by "Dwig" from the
Dave Thomson collection

Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with goggles on. . . told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't mean no harm. All I wanted was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn't particular. She said it was wicked to say what I said; said she wouldn't say it for the whole world; she was going to live so as to go to the good place. Well, I couldn't see no advantage in going where she was going, so I made up my mind I wouldn't try for it. But I never said so, because it would only make trouble, and wouldn't do no good.
- Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Clemens in hell
Special composite photo courtesy of Dave Thomson.
Sam Clemens as Dante during his guided tour of Hell conducted by the poet Virgil (standing behind him) and being ferried across the Stygian marsh in the 5th Circle of the Inferno. Original painting by French artist Eugene Delecroix in 1821.

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