BABIES AS BURGLAR ALARMS.
Mark Twain was asked to contribute to the paper issued at the fair in aid of abused children, in Boston, and responded as follows:
HARTFORD, Nov. 30,1880.
DEAR EDITORS: I do it with pleasure, * * * but I also do it with pain, because I am not in sympathy with this movement. Why should I want a "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children" to prosper when I have a baby down stairs that kept me awake several hours last night with no pretext for it but a desire to make trouble? This occurs every night, and it embitters me, because I see now how needless it was to put in the other burglar alarm, a costly and complicated contrivance, which cannot be depended upon, because it's always getting out of order and won't "go," whereas, although the baby is always getting out of order, too, it can nevertheless be depended on, for the reason that the more it gets out of order the more it does go.
Yes, I am bitter against your society, for I think the idea of it is all wrong; but if you will start a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Fathers, I will write you a whole book. Yours with emotion,
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