THE FAIR. - Union Hall was again so crowded last night that about the nearest approach to walking that people could accomplish was to drift about in solid masses. The tableaux were the chief attraction, and were exceedingly well gotten up especially the statuary. The programme was as follows: 1. Landing of the Pilgrims -- Misses Taggard, Parks, Higgins, Jackson, Mrs. Pratt, Mrs. Coe, and Mrs. Hill and Messrs. Lincoln, Gould, Collins, Ludlum, Van Pelt, Eaton, and Barry; 2. Crinoline Avenged -- Messrs. Taylor, Pensam, Taggard, Morgan; 3. Statuary -- Boadicea and Daughters -- Mrs. Pratt, Misses Tillman and Shew; 4. Execution of Lady Jane Grey -- Messrs. Bent and Detrick, Misses Lovely, Regan and Parker; 5. Winning the Gloves -- Mr. Taylor and Miss Chadbourne; 6. Statuary -- Fair Rosamond and Queen Eleanor -- Miss Shaw and Mrs. John Does. Emperor Norton and suit were present. Mr. Scott has made preparations for another grand Concert night to-morrow evening. The Bianchis have volunteered to sing, and also Messrs. John Gregg, Wunderlich, Swift, and Edward Smith, and Mr. Lawlor will recite "Shamus O'Brien." Last evening the Presidio Band played -- frisbie's Band will come on duty to-morrow night.
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DETERMINED ON SUICIDE. - In the Police Court, yesterday morning, a man named Frank Irving was convicted of petty larceny, in stealing a lot of coffee, and sentenced to pay a fine of two hundred dollars, or be imprisoned in the County Jail for the term of ninety days. Captain Welch, of the Police, proceeded to remove him from the Court room, and he started with the Officer with apparent willingness, but just before reaching the door, he drew a very ordinary looking pocket-knife and made an ugly gash in his throat with it. He was in the act of repeating the operation when his arm was caught by Captain Welch, and the knife fell from his grasp. The man was overheard to say as he left his seat, that his children should never have to say that their father ever suffered the disgrace of imprisonment. As soon as having got outside the door, he broke away from the Officer and tried to smash his brains out against the wall. When he reached the dungeon below, he repeated the experiment, but was prevented in both instances from accomplishing his purpose. His arms and legs were then chained and in this condition, after being shut up in a cell, he made a terrific assault upon the iron bars of his cage with the same unoffending head. He was taken out at once and a straightjacket put on him; after which he was forwarded to the Hospital. He seemed perfectly familiar with the garment, and said he had worn it before in Liverpool, when under the influence of his ungovernable temper. He could not butt or cut in the hospital, but he comforted himself with a refreshing season of hard swearing, until even this satisfaction was denied him by Dr. Raymond, who promised to gag him if he did not draw his blasphemy a little milder. The wound in the prisoner's throat is not of a dangerous nature.
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THE RED, BLACK, AND BLUE. - John Smith appeared on the witness stand, yesterday morning, in the Police Court, with a countenance strongly expressive of physical anguish in the past tense, to complain of Pat Bennett for having mauled him sufficiently. He could go but one eye on the Court by reason of the other one being, as professionally termed, completely bunged up. His many-hued face -- crimson and azure predominating -- told of the many hues Pat had inflicted with his nails, and of other violent indignities. A little settlement between the beater and the beaten concerning several little games of forty-five and the concomitant drinks, produced John's painful aspect, and the matter culminated in a prosecution for assault and battery. Bennett was ordered to pay a fine of one hundred dollars, or appear for sentence.
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A CHICKEN CASE. - A novel case was tried before Judge Shepheard yesterday, in which the most prominent witness was a fighting rooster. He was introduced to the Court in a bag -- that is the rooster, not the Court, was in the bag -- and his office was to prove that he was the identical rooster that had been surreptitiously obtained by a boy named James Bryant, from the owner. The jokes were not few, and the double entendres filled the air. Everybody found a wide field for cheap wit, and the prosecuting witness fumed. Mr. Moffat, defendant's counsel acquitted himself admirably through these trying scenes and managed his case well, but the testimony of the chicken was overwhelming. Bryant was convicted of petty larceny and ordered to appear for sentence. Bryant said he only wanted to secure some eggs, and the Court made an eggs-ample of him.
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DON'T BURY YOUR MONEY IN OYSTER CANS. - During the process of raising a stable on Leavenworth street, on Friday inst., some three hundred dollars in coin, sealed in an oyster can, was discovered, which the finder was disposed to appropriate as a legitimate "find." It turned out, however, that the money was the property of a drayman who owned a stable adjoining; and who, on hearing the news of the discovery of the treasure, rushed to the spot, and claimed it. It was given up, after some hesitation. To bury money in a manure heap is a stupid was of disposing of -- all the manure on the Chinchas Islands will not make it grow. Better carry it to Cheeseman, and invest in Government securities.
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