MARK TWAIN IN THE SAN FRANCISCO DRAMATIC CHRONICLE
1865
[EDITOR'S NOTE: These items have not been previously republished elsewhere. They are included in this collection because of their potential to be the work of Clemens and are deserving of further research and consideration.]
_____
PRIZE FIGHT
The Call, after continuously calling attention to the fact that a prize fight was to take place and puffing it, this morning caps the climax by the following blasphemy: "Although it rained almost incessantly for the two previous days, the God who rules the destinies of prize-fighters (f there be such an one) was kind to them, and induced the weather king to vouchsafe a day of unrivalled beauty." This virtuous little sheet, which was shocked by a party of boys "outraging the religious sentiments of the community" by playing at ball on one of the squares a few Sundays ago, devotes a column and a half to a description of the fight, in weak imitation of the style adopted by sporting papers. The names of the men were Chandler and Farley; they fought for $1,000. Farley was whipped; the fight lasted twenty-eight minutes, and took place in Sonoma county. Pick-pockets made money out of the fight as well as the Call, to which sheet we refer those who are interested in an account of how two clumsy fellows punched one another and gave an opportunity to a special reporter to write an account of what he supposed to be a very scientific prize fight.
_____
BACK TO US AGAIN
Our lost lamb, the Grass Valley Union, which deserted the flowery fields of fancy and wandered away to the barren mountains of fact in disgust at our unappreciativeness, found those mountains too hard to climb and has meandered back again to where it started from. Tongue cannot tell how joyfully we welcome its return. Its editor, who no doubt is one of the most intelligent colored men in our State, is writing a series of able editorials on natural history, which he addresses to his "Fellow Lunch Eaters." Although, as the dedication shows, these sparkling essays are intended for his immediate patrons, we take the liberty of making the following extract from one of them:
You must noe dat dere am seberal kinds of animals of de brute kreashun. Dere am de buck man what wares de glub dat is made from de buck kid gote. Den dare am de buck jackass rabbit what John Williams sell four bit a piece. Dare am de buck quale, de buck tom cat, de buck ram and de buck goose. You musn't mistake de buck man for de buck rabbit, aldo dey bof got long ears. You will noe de buck man from de buck rabbit bekase he's alers got a segar in he mouf, de smoke ob which he put in de ladies face.
It is a blot upon the fair name of America that the author of such a disseration as that is not allowed to vote.
[The original printing of the Grass Valley Union article, a portion
of which is quoted here, appeared November 19, 1865 and is available
online.]
_____
[transcribed from microfilm]
