MARK TWAIN IN THE SAN FRANCISCO DRAMATIC CHRONICLE
1865
[EDITOR'S NOTE: This item has not been previously republished elsewhere. It is included in this collection because of its potential to be the work of Clemens and is deserving of further research and consideration. The item relates to complaints against the San Francisco police department and ill treatment of Chinese.]
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THE WICKEDNESS OF THE POLICE
The fearful developments recently made by the Flag clearly show that Police officers are the greatest scoundrels in the community. The Flag proves that citizens are in much greater danger of outrage and extortion from Chief Burke and his myrmidons, than from the malefactors whom they pretend to guard us against. The following are a few samples of the enormities practised or contemplated by Blitz and his accomplices:
1. To take up Sam Brannan on the ground of being a destitute vagrant, without any visible means of subsistence; and if he objects, to knock out some of his front teeth, and accuse him of resisting the officers in the execution of their duty.
2. To arrest Dr. Ayer, on the ground that he is an advertising quack; should he resist, to hit him.
3. To charge Professor Trask with riotous conduct at the Bank Exchange; should he resist, to swear that he tried to knock you down with a fossil bone.
4. To accuse an Under-Sheriff of being a gentleman; but this should only be done cautiously, on account of the evident improbability of the charge.
5. To allege that Mayor Coon sits up late at night reading Aretine, Brantome, etc., etc., etc., in their native language; but see concluding remarks on hint 4.
6. To bear in mind that without attempting these particular experiments, a good deal may be realised by false charges of drunkenness against gentlemen, and of impropriety against ladies; also, that if the worst comes to the worst, there is always a certain pleasure in ill treating Chinamen and small boys.
7. To remember that, unless his own ingenuity can keep him, he that wears a gray-back suit is oft as poor as raw recruits.
8. To carefully examine all men who are dead drunk, and rejoice when you detect some change in them.
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[transcribed from microfilm.]
